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MEETING A BEREAVED PERSON

Interacting with a person in grief is an important skill: several academic studies have shown that respectful and supportive interaction with a professional is of great help to a person who has lost their loved one, both in the short and long term (see the EBM reviews by the Finnish Nursing Research Foundation). You could say that the skill of interacting with someone in grief is an integral part of the help any professional can give to a grieving person. Your job description may include reporting, examination, rescuing, nursing or diagnosing – in any case, your duty as a professional is to ensure that your actions help the grieving person during a very stressful period in their life.

What constitutes as good support?

What type of professional interaction is beneficial to the grieving person?

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Why is it so difficult?

Professionals have a great desire and need to help a person who has lost a loved one, yet sometimes they end up making the person feel worse. Why?

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How can you improve these interactions?

What could professionals and their employer organisations do to improve their services and help grieving people better?

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Sources on the Internet: 

  • Hoitotyön tutkimussäätiö (2018). Äkillisesti kuolleen henkilön läheisten tukeminen. Hoitotyön suositus (online). Hoitotyön tutkimussäätiön asettama työryhmä. Helsinki: Hoitotyön tutkimussäätiö, 2018 (viitattu 4.9.2018). Saatavilla: www.hotus.fi.
  • Poijula, S. (2018). Suru. Soili Poijulan kotisivut (viitattu 9.11.2018). Saatavilla: www.soilipoijula.fi/tietosivut/suru/ 

Literature:

  • Aho A-L., Savolainen S. (2012). Kirjallisuuskatsaus: Vanhempien selviytymistä edistävät ja estävät tekijät lapsen kuoleman jälkeen. Thanatos 1 (2), 1–28.
  • Dyregrov K., Dyregrov A. (2008). Effective Grief and Bereavement Support. The Role of Family, Friends, Colleagues, Schools and Support Professionals. Lontoo: JKP.
  • Erjanti H., Paunonen-Ilmonen M. (2004). Suru ja surevat. Surevien hoitotyön perusteet. Helsinki: WSOY. Vaikeus auttaa surevaa 145–148, Auttajan taakka 151–152
  • Hautala, E., Tuominen, E. (2017). Ensivaiheen tuki äkillisesti puolisonsa menettäneelle. Tampereen ammattikorkeakoulun opinnäytetyö (AMK).
  • Hedrenius S., Johansson S. (2016). Kriisituki. Ensiapua onnettomuuksien, katastrofien ja järkyttävien tapahtumien käsittelyyn. Tallinna: Tieotsanoma. Suom. Strellman U. Ruotsinkielinen alkuteos Krisstöd vid vid olyckor, katastrofer ock svåra händelser: att stärka människors motståndskraft (2013).
  • Itkonen J. (2018). Kun vauvaonni vaihtuu kuoleman suruun – Narratiivinen tutkimus kohtukuolemasta, lapsen kuoleman aiheuttamasta surusta ja selviytymisprosessista sekä kirkon tuesta. Helsinki: Helsingin yliopisto.
  • Pulkkinen M. (2017). Surun sylissä. Suomalaisten kokemuksia menetyksestä. Helsinki: S&S.
  • Saari, S; Kantanen, I.; Kämäräinen, L.; Parviainen, K.; Valoaho, S.; Yli-Pirilä, P. (toim.) (2009). Hädän hetkellä – psyykkisen ensiavun opas. Helsinki: Kustannus Oy Duodecim ja Suomen Punainen Risti.
  • Savolainen S., Kaunonen M. & Aho A-L. (2013). Vanhempien selviytymistä auttavat tekijät lapsen kuoleman jälkeen. Hoitotiede 25 (3), 222–235.
  • Shariff, A., Olson, J., Santos Salas, A. & Cranley, L. (2017). Nurses’ experiences of providing care to bereaved families who experience unexpected death in intensive care units: A narrative overview. Canadian Journal of Critical Care Nursing 28 (1), 21–29. Surevien saamaan tukeen vaikuttavat tekijät.
  • Virta T., Kaunonen M., Aho A-L. (2017). Henkirikosuhrien läheisten suru sekä selviytymistä edistävät ja estävät tekijät. Thanatos 6 (2), 5–48.
  • Välimäki, Elina (2017). Ei unohdu koskaan. Henkirikoksen jäljet. Jyväskylä: PS-kustannus.

Other sources: 

  • Poijula, Soili: Monikasvoinen suru. Lahden kesäyliopiston 14.11.2018 järjestämä koulutus ja koulutusmateriaalit.

What constitutes as respectful and supportive interaction?

Meet the bereaved person as an individual.

Kohtaa sureva yksilönä. Surevan kohtaaminen -hankkeen grafiikkaa.

Find out the person’s support network and need of help. Ask the person what type of help they want.

Show compassion, listen and be present. 

Osoita myötätuntosi, kuuntele ja ole läsnä. Surevan kohtaaminen -hankkeen kuvitusta.

It’s important to the grieving person to know that you care.

Give time.

Anna aikaasi. Surevan kohtaaminen -hankkeen kuvitusta.

Even if you are in a hurry, don’t let the bereaved person see it.

Give information – also in written form.

Anna tietoa – myös kirjallisena. Surevan kohtaaminen -hankkeen kuvitusta.

 A grieving person often finds it comforting to hear facts about what has happened as well as general information on grief. Speak directly and comprehensibly.

Respect grief.

Anna tietoa – myös kirjallisena. Surevan kohtaaminen -hankkeen kuvitusta.

People have a right to grieve, no matter the situation. Avoid diminishing their grief or drawing your own conclusions. Call the deceased person by his or her name.

Help forward.

Ohjaa sureva eteenpäin. Surevan kohtaaminen -hankkeen kuvitusta.

Your duty is to ensure that the bereaved person gets help now and in the future. The bereaved person may needa

  • crisis support in acute crisis
  • counselling (regardless of when the incident has taken place)
  • peer support
  • practical help.

Why is it so difficult to meet a bereaved person?

  • We’re trying to solve their grief. When a fellow human being faces a devastating loss, we feel a great desire to help. In our desire to help, we may forget about the fact that you can’t heal someone’s death or make a person’s grief smaller.
  • We don’t understand grief. As we gain more information and understanding, our interactions with grieving people become more supportive.
  • The helper attempts to protect themselves either consciously or unconsciously.The death in question is so devastating that we don’t want to think about it, and the grief is so enormous that we don’t want to empathise with it. Most people want to avoid being exposed to disturbing things, which is completely natural. When a professional distances themselves from grief, the bereaved person interprets it as indifference.
  • Our resources are lacking. Many organisations run on insufficient resources. Unhurried and compassionate interaction with a client is not necessarily viewed as an integral part of the job description.

What would improve our meetings with grieving people?

It’s natural to want to help a grieving person by trying to ease their grief with words or medical interventions. However, these attempts may offend the grieving person, who is entitled to sadness and weakness. Expecting the person to quickly recover their functional abilities may be harmful. When helping a grieving person, the focus should be on the person’s wants and needs. The most important thing is that the grieving person perceives their life as meaningful!!

  • Knowledge increases understanding. Get to know grief here.
  • Dealing with and clarifying a professional’s relationship to grief and death. It’s important that you deal with your own emotions and the situations you face at work with a professional, such as a work counsellor.
  • Work community support and taking care of yourself. It’s easier to help others when you yourself are feeling good. Other people’s example, peer support and practical experience will help a professional become even better at their work.
  • Attitudes within the organisation. Meeting a grieving person with compassion and helping them get further support should be seen as an inseparable part of the work of professionals who help bereaved people.

The type of support a bereaved person receives depends on

  1. The organisation’s practices and guidelines
  2. Time and atmosphere
  3. The professional’s knowledge and readiness to help a grieving person
  4. The professional’s personal practices and thought models